When I Think Of My Grandfather

I think of the man that made an impression on me as a kid. A tall, rather corpulent man, always in a three piece suit, sometimes with a bow-tie, just like the Dutch cartoon figure Olie B. Bommel, plump belly included. My granddad belonged to my Grandmother, and good manners were important. As a small child I always went nicely dressed to them, meaning dressed in a skirt. Trousers, Granddad told me years later, were possible but also rather dubious. Granddad preferred to not see the buttocks! Grandpa supported Grandma on the background, he was quiet and modest. When Grandma died, Grandpa came to be in the foreground and he kept a rich social life – also without her. He still worked at the ABN Bank then and he walked twice daily with the dog.

I see a sweet, attentive, interested gentleman that was loyal to his many friendships. It did not really matter if you were his family, related by marriage, a friend or an acquaintance. He remembered birthdays, marriages and other memorable dates. As a friend from Australia voiced it recently: “He took to a fatherly role in a natural way and that was to me and many others pleasant.” My grandpa’s secret weapon was his agenda. It was filled to the brim with memorable data that I forgot but not him. He surprised me once with a bunch of flowers and a congratulatory letter in an envelope. I was only allowed to open it the next day. In it was a small note to congratulate me on my tin marriage anniversary (6 years and 2 and a half months). I had of course totally forgotten about that fact. That kind of things, my grandpa was unparalleled in this.

When I think of my grandfather

I can still hear the sound of his good-working drum. He talked to many people and informed himself thoroughly about every one. The next time that I talked to him, he told me how every one was doing. This sharing of stories had one goal: he brought and held people together like a head of the family would.

When I think of my grandfather

I remember the endless conversations we had. Especially the last three and a half years were special to me. No subject was avoided and also the latest scientific news, for instance in quantum physics was discussed. Of course he tried to stir the conversation in the direction he liked it to go. He volunteered to give advice, when asked and also unasked. The unasked advice was the cause of our one and only discord ever. After a little bit of talking to and fro he could clearly explain to me why he so much liked to give advice. It was however offered without obligation, he just wanted to say it, so that I could think about it once more at a later time. I was allowed to put the advice aside, he could handle that much. He wanted the best for me, that was the bottom line of it.

When I think of my grandfather

the flavour of his last cigarette still lingers in the air. Also on his deathbed he took a real pleasure in smoking. He could daydream and be absorbed in his thoughts. A cigarette was always helpful. Even though he was sick for 18 months he was an optimist, he did not want to complain. I thought he was a courageous Dodo, he did not agree. He said: ”I go my path, there is no other one.” His stools became a torment with 13 nightly visits to the toilet as an absolute low. A piece of luck was the disappearance of his diabetes. No matter how sick and weak his body became, his spirit was totally clear, filled with humor, until the end.

Dear Grandpa, it was good to be with you and to be able to take care of you. It was beloved, vulnerable and unforgettable. I will miss you, sleep in peace. With love from your Annegie.

Today the ashes of my grandfather Eling Rense Smit are shattered in Bilthoven by some of his relatives. It is also the birth day of my grandmother, Mimi Smit-Lette, she died in 1983. This is my way to say goodbye. The text above was originally spoken by me at my granddads funeral on December 9th 2006.

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