Suffering=purification=transformation=realization=change=another Miriam=suffering=purification=transformation=realization=change=another Miriam=etc.
What I understand so far is that my suffering has a source, a reason outside of me. It triggers the suffering that lives inside of me. I always have a choice about how I relate to events in my life. Sometimes I can accept how life comes to me and sometimes I am overcome. I make the choice to have the full experience, quite often negative in the beginning. I suffer. When I have had enough of the suffering, I can stop it, it has served its purpose.
Now we are presented with the movie ‘The Secret’ and the explanation of the law of attraction. Great stuff that makes people think and realize that they are responsible for that situation and that they also created it. The law of attraction is nothing new though, it is age old, better known in other ways as “You sow what you reap.”
The point here is that this seems a way too easy answer on suffering. It is not that ‘The Secret’ is the end to all suffering now suddenly. I wonder how the world and the people in it will look like in a couple of months from now. Don’t we all have a library worth of about 5.000 euros or more at home? Did we get it with all those books and knowledge? This is a rhetorical question. Most of us are still searching. Something is missing.
We all want to push away suffering, it is bad to suffer. Being happy is the way to be. And now what happens? With the law of attraction we tell each other that you are responsible for your own suffering and you created it. So if this is what you have in life, you are “to blame”. Get into action and change your life: have that great lover, have that big car and house, whatever it is that you want.
But hey, wait a minute. What happened to the good old suffering? Is that still allowed?
When I was 29 I had the year of my life, I worked as the manager of a bank in the Northern Part of Amsterdam. An armed bank robbery was the first thing that happened. I sat on the floor in fear, confronted to the bone with death, guns, I was so afraid of life for many months after. I decided to travel alone in Indonesia for some weeks: I was lonely, upset and confronted, again. I got home and my love life shattered when he left me after 7 years. I cried and cried until I had to drink water to be able to cry again.
I would still pretend that nothing was wrong with me. I was living my life and on the outside I was doing fine. At the same time a big suffering was inside of me. I was afraid of life and had lost faith in almost everything. Did I sit down and feel what was going on inside of me? No way! I was happy and could create my life how I wanted it. Accepting my feelings was not there at all.
I needed one extra push, the universe brought me another attack in the bank. This time with a knife. But this time I listened and I went home. Alone, crying and hitting rock bottom. But thank you universe, I am so happy with all this suffering. It made me into who I am more and more. I love my suffering, it made me grow.
Suffering has made me feel my fear of life, of death, at being in charge and surrendering to the guy with the gun.
Did I suffer? Yes, big time. Was I able to change because of this? Did I purify myself? Transform myself? Regenerate myself and become another person because of it? Yes of course, I had an immense growth because of them. What would happen if my life would be only bliss and only happiness, since that is the best to create? I would not like it one bit.