Normal, abnormal and paranormal. In my life living according to the norm was terribly important. My first reaction to many things would be to look what everyone else did. Clothing, eating, education, drawing. You name it, I wanted to do and be the correct thing. To fit in and belong, be as much like everyone else. Living outside or above the norm would mean that I would be noticed and that scared me.
My weblog now at 41 years of age is a mirror of me, every one can see my face in the header. My choice: I did not want to hide. But telling about my experiences that are outside of the norm, of a so called abnormal and paranormal nature? Immediately this fear flares up. I have struggled with this for a couple of years now. When people ask me what work I do, I tell them that I work from home. Not really an answer is it?
I have become shy about telling what I do for a living. Why? Because I have told people what I do in the past. Astrology, alternative healing and Aura-Soma color therapy (has the word aura which puts people of even more) could be one possible answer. (Nothing about spiritual experiences in it of course not, I didn’t dare.) And that already did it, it has often been the first and last conversation I have with people. I get ‘the eye’ as I call it and then I stop being me.
I quote Bill in one of his private mails to me:
People can so often be put off by, be uncomfortable around or even mistrust anyone they don’t see as being “normal”. [...] Think of this, consider others that are gifted in some way. Say a great surgeon, a great painter and a great musician, each has been blessed with a special gift that puts them out of the “norm”. Are you all that much different? It is just your gift is different.
Sometimes I have shared about these experiences or the phenomenon that people call paranormal. I don’t like that word since it sort of indicates that other people are normal and that paranormal would mean something which is more than normal or special. Paranormal to me is the use of our non-objective senses. You silence “the transistor radio” or the voice in your head and then you tune into your intuition in whatever way suits you best.
Anyone is paranormal, most people call it intuition. Or that is how I have come to understand it. I have used the word paranormal only once and never since that first time. It scared this woman so much that she did not talk to me any more. I know that I cannot help her with that, I can only be me, I know all that, and still I got hesitant to talk about it.
What happened was that two women wondered why I had done a certain course. At first I said something vague as that it was helping my personal growth. When one of them persisted I blurted out this answer: “You know, I am paranormal and this course helps me to deal with it.” After that she avoided me for months on end. Then one morning by chance I stood next to her and she started talking. She had been wondering all the time what I saw when I looked at her. If I saw her aura or if I could read her thoughts and feelings? Things like that. And then she said what was really on her mind: “Can you see if I had sex last night?”
No, I cannot see that. I don’t even have a wish to be able to do that. And what would be the point? So people don’t always understand what the paranormal or intuitive side of life entails. They make up interpretations of it.
My wish would be to tell stories from my own experience so that people can begin to understand. I don’t want to hide it. I am not abnormal, I am not more special than others, I just have some work to do, as we all have. To realize who we are and share who we are. Even if fear looks around the corner to talk about it.
I am really interested in your exploration of the ideas and terms. Who can say what ‘normal’ is, even the ‘normal’ don’t know. I think that many people have all kinds of abilities, but are so tuned into the transistor radio, they never know…I am trying to tune into my intuition more, but sometimes it is unsettling, sometimes the things that are there are not necessarily what I want to see…I wonder how you cope with that? Is it often surprising to you?
I stopped by to say thank you for your comments on my blog. I’m glad you enjoyed your visit.
I wouldn’t worry too much about being normal. Normal is boring. Your talents are gifts and they’re are “normal” for you.
Miriam, this is such a wonderful post. I congratulate you on having the courage and the strength to post it. Life can be difficult when the world doesn’t view you as “normal”. It is so natural to want to fit in. It is often easier to down play or even ignore our God given blessings, than it is to let them shine and bring attention to ourselves. Call them what you will, I believe everyone comes into this world with their own God given blessings, talents or gifts. It is up to us to then find what that blessing is and then our free will comes into play. Do we openly show our own special blessings or do we prefer to remain quietly in the back ground?
I believe there are many things beyond our physical being or understanding. These are some of the things in life that can greatly scare us, through lack of knowledge and understanding. Helping us to understand by sharing your experiences, such a blessing you can be to us all.
Bill
Wonderful post. I know what you mean. While I have finally gotten past the fear of showing who I am when I am alone, I realized this month that I am still not past the fear of “what will people think” about my choice of partner. But then I remember that when you are so busy being alive and fulfilled, there isn’t any room left for worry about what others think. Also I find that if I present my reality to others with confidence, their reaction is influenced positively. If I express myself with doubt or fear of their reaction, for sure they react in a more judgmental and rejecting way.
kimcaraher: Some information can be unsettling at first, mostly because I don’t understand it. I had to learn what my intuition was trying to tell me and then to trust it. The voice in my head would keep me busy too. It would say that it was not possible or I was imagining things. How do I cope with it? Sometimes I understand it later, I prefer to leave it and don’t worry about it. It is probably the transistor radio in my head that is talking any way if I keep wanting to understand or be clear.
Robin: Normal is boring, haha
Bill: thanks dear Bill, you are such a support to me. Your openness is inspiring me lots, let’s continue the conversation!
Kelly: True, it is easier to speak about things when relaxed and happy about it. People mirror my fear and that is making me clear of what I say to them and how I say it. Good point.
I often block my intuition with emotion
Thanks for your response. That sounds very wise…just right, leave it, see and learn.