Normal, abnormal and paranormal. In my life living according to the norm was terribly important. My first reaction to many things would be to look what everyone else did. Clothing, eating, education, drawing. You name it, I wanted to do and be the correct thing. To fit in and belong, be as much like everyone else. Living outside or above the norm would mean that I would be noticed and that scared me.
My weblog now at 41 years of age is a mirror of me, every one can see my face in the header. My choice: I did not want to hide. But telling about my experiences that are outside of the norm, of a so called abnormal and paranormal nature? Immediately this fear flares up. I have struggled with this for a couple of years now. When people ask me what work I do, I tell them that I work from home. Not really an answer is it?
I have become shy about telling what I do for a living. Why? Because I have told people what I do in the past. Astrology, alternative healing and Aura-Soma color therapy (has the word aura which puts people of even more) could be one possible answer. (Nothing about spiritual experiences in it of course not, I didn’t dare.) And that already did it, it has often been the first and last conversation I have with people. I get ‘the eye’ as I call it and then I stop being me.
I quote Bill in one of his private mails to me:
People can so often be put off by, be uncomfortable around or even mistrust anyone they don’t see as being “normal”. […] Think of this, consider others that are gifted in some way. Say a great surgeon, a great painter and a great musician, each has been blessed with a special gift that puts them out of the “norm”. Are you all that much different? It is just your gift is different.
Sometimes I have shared about these experiences or the phenomenon that people call paranormal. I don’t like that word since it sort of indicates that other people are normal and that paranormal would mean something which is more than normal or special. Paranormal to me is the use of our non-objective senses. You silence “the transistor radio” or the voice in your head and then you tune into your intuition in whatever way suits you best.
Anyone is paranormal, most people call it intuition. Or that is how I have come to understand it. I have used the word paranormal only once and never since that first time. It scared this woman so much that she did not talk to me any more. I know that I cannot help her with that, I can only be me, I know all that, and still I got hesitant to talk about it.
What happened was that two women wondered why I had done a certain course. At first I said something vague as that it was helping my personal growth. When one of them persisted I blurted out this answer: “You know, I am paranormal and this course helps me to deal with it.” After that she avoided me for months on end. Then one morning by chance I stood next to her and she started talking. She had been wondering all the time what I saw when I looked at her. If I saw her aura or if I could read her thoughts and feelings? Things like that. And then she said what was really on her mind: “Can you see if I had sex last night?”
No, I cannot see that. I don’t even have a wish to be able to do that. And what would be the point? So people don’t always understand what the paranormal or intuitive side of life entails. They make up interpretations of it.
My wish would be to tell stories from my own experience so that people can begin to understand. I don’t want to hide it. I am not abnormal, I am not more special than others, I just have some work to do, as we all have. To realize who we are and share who we are. Even if fear looks around the corner to talk about it.