This big head of my mine has a big mind and I keep repeating the same issue over and over again. It feels like food that is past its date and needs to go in the garbage bin. Negative thoughts creep in, I will not post this. I have no answer. Well maybe not yet.
To write a post just like yesterday as a follow up on rejection (screaming NO to LIFE would not help here I am afraid) feels better. Get it out of the system.
Here is the thing that is getting my attention and energy. Some weeks ago a friend of a friend called for a horoscope. Earlier this year I had made a promise to myself that I would no longer do written reports. I am a people person and sitting by myself for hours to write a report is not my thing. So what did I say?
“Sure you can have an astrology session and then I record the conversation for you”. Nope, I did not say that. My answer came up with two possibilities: a written report or a session at my place. What did the client choose? Written.
Thank you radiant woman, you not so present one, you did it again.
I offered to do a written report and now I sit here complaining and I do not dare call this friend of a friend to call it off.
I am convinced that I can make this report and I have done hours of work on it. How on earth can I concentrate when I keep blaming myself for taking this written report on? It is not getting anywhere. Can I make this go in another direction? Do I want a solution? What is keeping me in this blockage?
– I look stupid when I call this person after three weeks of self inflicted suffering?
– I should have said it earlier?
– I must be able to deal with a written report?
– Conversations with clients are not good enough, when I write it down I can weigh my words and that looks way better?
– People can ask questions that I do not know the answer of, can I say I don’t know?
Well this list can be pages long. I care about what others might say about me. Rejection? Yes, fear of rejection that is the core of this thing. Maybe I can yell a little more at life? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
This is a typical case of making things difficult myself. Wrestling with my self. I give up, this is so silly and a waste of time.