From Little Gidding, The Four Quarters of T. S. Elliot:
We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.
This post is to say goodbye to Andrea. One of several posts to say goodbye to this birth year.
June 2007, I celebrated my birthday with five girls. One of them was Andrea. She was a philosopher, a poet and a mother. I saw her first in 2003 in the sandpit with her two small children. I immediately felt a connection. Slowly over the years we came closer. We met on the street or at school while dropping off our kids. Little smiles were exchanged and talks on the corner of the street were followed by girl talks over cups of tea.
From the outside she was everything that I am not. Timid, shy, taking her time to make up her mind and to open up to the world. Loving nature and people and a burning fire deep within. She was hurt by life and its events and was going high and low, very low even and kept finding the strength to live her life. When she came to visit at night we would talk. Or rather she would listen. After a while she would begin to talk and I would listen. Hours on end, way past bed time.
When I saw her struggle in life I could better carry my own burdens. Knowing that there was at least one other person living and dealing with deeper and darker corners of the personality was a great help. I thought we would have all the time in the world to talk, to sit and to listen to each others stories.
But we did not. She died totally unexpected on the third of March 2008, 37 years old. She had a cold with a throat infection and could not breath, and finally went into a coma from which she did not recover.
I miss our talks and I have tried to write on my blog about her before, I could not find the words. I did not want to let her go either. As long as I did not write about Andrea, it was not really happening. Also I wanted to write the perfect article and it was never good enough to publish. I deleted 11 versions of a post.
She wrote a small piece in early 2007 when she felt Spring was in the air. I keep it in mind when my life seems too much of a challenge.
Remember that you are dancing, Remember the light, When you are asleep again.
PS the quote of T.S. Elliot was on the announcement card of the funeral of Andrea.