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Archive for the ‘Philosophy’ Category

Inner knowing provides me with my own Miriam-knowing, the gut feeling might even support it. Perhaps even more interesting is that I feel happy when I go with the inner knowing. Is that comforting? To me it is.

Every time a choice needs to be made, what do I do?

Wait.

Listen.

My inner critic is talking into my ear, sits on my shoulder. Already deleted 6 written sentences.

They were:

1. Pick up a book, choose a page at random and find line 7. These are fun and often at least amusing, mostly they apply to the situation.

2. Get a coffee, gulp it down and still can’t decide. This is postponing taking a decision.

3. Call a friend and then another, also postponing a decision and taking me away from inner knowing.

4. Go with what comes to mind first and what makes me smile.

5. Sit and do nothing. Only when I am very hesitant.

6. Listen to the critic and listen to the critic and listen to the critic and delete this post since it is going no where.

Do you get the point? The inner knowing is there and the inner critic seems its biggest treat. I still need to learn to send the inner critic to far away places and go with what I feel like doing.

Post this piece and pretend that I did not hear the inner critic.

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Dreaming is making things happen, for now only in my mind. A list of wishes makes me so aware of the wishes I have for life. As packages of possibilities in the (near) future. As doorways to give a structure to my future life?

Dreaming is nice at this time of the year, in the weeks before my next birthday is coming. To evaluate the past year with the highlights and the down side of experiences and how I dealt with them. Everything was there in my life in a seemingly fitting order to allow for growth and change. Previous dreams that are no longer in my imagination, already visible in the world.

Dreaming to find a way also in 2008-2009. Walking a labyrinth in Chartres of 261 meters and 55 centimeters long. Many people walk this labyrinth. Every Friday the chairs in the cathedral are removed. What are they thinking when they walk there? Will it give me a glimpse of what life is calling me to become? I am curious, only 7 more sleeps. And some stories to tell to close the year.

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I was called a stubborn donkey the other day. And yes I am one, and don’t laugh you are one too! We are all stubborn in some areas in our life and we have a block there to ask for help. Or we have a fear to change our habits.

Where am I stubborn and what can I do with that knowledge?



Two Donkeys. Anes. Esel. Burros., originally uploaded by elledino.

Easy to see since where I am behaving as a donkey, the results are the same. The areas in my life where I am dissatisfied and discourage they qualify. It is visible in things happening that I do not want to happen. I look at them and I do not like them one bit. I want them to go away.

Yes, I am a player in my own drama or soap opera, life is my private theater and I keep playing the same role with the same results. Often ending up feeling not OK.

Failure is a way to begin again, this time more intelligently. Henry Ford

So I begin again and look at the things that I can do differently today. The world and people in it are my playground. I will really look and notice what is going on. There are message and clues out there. What is it they are trying to tell me, while I am in stubborn mule-mode?

I hear the workman that is building a shed next to my boat. It is raining. I offer him a cup of coffee and we chat. Any message? No it is nice to sit and drink coffee with someone else.

Where are you being a donkey? Would you like to try and see it in a different light?

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OK

I am born as a brunette and I will not paint my hair and that is OK. I am proud of who I am and that is OK. I take care of myself first and that is OK. I am a radiant woman, who sometimes feels depressive as that is the other side of the coin and that is OK. I am speaking my truth even though you might not like it and that is OK. I am carrying my wisdom, my heart and my soul and that is OK.

You got it. I am OK. So are you by the way.

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On the internet I came across the famous line said by Obi-Wan Kenobi (Alec Guinness) in Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope: “The Force is what gives a Jedi his power. It’s an energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us, and penetrates us. It binds the galaxy together.”

It makes me smile and happy to be able to be one with the force again. To realize that when change is happening it is just the other side of the coin. It is not that the force is not with me anymore. It is not that I am lonely, not lovable, bad, guilty or whatever. I was in the last couple of months no longer aware of the force working through me as in all living things. Well sometimes I did but I fell into the black hole again.

The force is with me and you and everyone always. How can it not be? I can make the choice to have it present in my life. Or be stubborn and refuse it. My choice will be to have it in my life, in good and so called bad times when change is knocking on my door.

So, YES ! Today is a good news post by me. Today is the second day that I am out of my black hole. I made it through. I suddenly notice how the buckets lined up in the hallway remain empty. I grieved for by gone days. For what happened and did not happen, for what I did and did not do, for what I said and did not say.

In the end I begin to see that I resist change. The change that is inevitable in life and in living. When I resist change, that is when my life starts to look ugly and I can no longer accept what is. Everything seemed to fall apart. These days I gave up resistance, slowly I come to accept change again, a little bit more each day.

May the force be with you too.

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RED, originally uploaded by placbo.

Here is one way to visualize by Rob of iwishicouldtellyou. I am curious how you deal with visualization.

I have often visualized to create things like more space, work, or easy material things such as another wheelbarrow for the garden, someone to fix the shed in the garden. Sometimes I find that I visualize because I cannot and will not accept reality as it is. Then I complain about the lack of space in our boat, I am unhappy since I like to do things so work would be more than welcome. It is a sort of fix mechanism.

On the other hand the wheelbarrow materialized within two days and the person to fix the shed appeared one year after. When it is fun things with less weight attached I can see it as a game.

I am now at a place where I visualize for indeed the wheelbarrow or projects that I am in. Just the first small step ahead that I would like to make. I visualize that and accept whatever comes. And then again: I am often wondering if everything in my life is happening in a perfect way, who needs to visualize to create and what for? Can I feel what I really need?

Have you ever asked yourself these questions:
1. What do you visualize?
2. Why do you visualize?
3. Did anything happen when you visualized?

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Today I had a conversation with a woman. Late fifties, healthy and she notices how she feels stuck in life. Work, family and volunteering work had all by itself dropped away. And she had entered the void. This empty place that you notice when all other things drop away. She said: “I feel restless with the silence. I want to get up and do something”. Sounds familiar? Yeah, we all have these moments.

originally uploaded by tuna bites.

It made me think about silence and the void. We are all raised as people that hardly sit down. We try to avoid the silence and sitting still. People around us kindly push us into helping, being there for others and otherwise you are called lazy. Until in the end people can get lost when they spend time alone, in silence or when life brings the void in.

For one reason or another life will send you the silence again. To be reconnected and hear the voices in your head rattling along with good advice, critique and anything that will have you get out of your chair and help others. When is it time to help yourself? When is enough really enough? Do we have to wait for disease or burn-out to take a time out?

Give yourself a gift and embrace the void when life gives you one. When you get the time to sit down and be alone. Feel who you have become and what you feel like when with yourself. Of course it is a challenge in the beginning and a blessing in the end when you can be in the silence of the void.

In May 2000 I met the void. In the shape of Odin, the blank rune. I was not amused. I disliked silence, the void was to be avoided at all times. My life needed speed and as many as possible attractions and experiences per day. A friend said about the same blank rune: “I love that rune. It is my favorite.” What did she say there!?! I could not deal with it. I was angry and pissed of by the runes.

Much later I read the meaning of the rune and this particular sentence has stayed with me over the years.

Here the Unknowable informs you that it is in motion in your life. In that blankness is held undiluted potential. At the same time both pregnant and empty, it comprehends the totality of being, all that is to be actualized. And if, indeed, there are “matters hidden by the gods,” you need only remember: What beckons is the creative power of the unknown.

The conversation today made me realize that somewhere I did embrace the void. It happened so softly and swiftly, I did not even notice. I gave thanks to her for making me aware that emptiness is pregnant with possibility. I no longer fear it, I welcome it and live out of my own silence on a daily basis. The circle is closed, the voice is embraced again.

Imagination, originally uploaded by zanettco.

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