IF Opinion

IF Opinion, originally uploaded by radiant woman.

We all carry opinions and ahum (me too), we sometimes overdo it. Sharing an opinion on something can easily be seen as a big mouth saying bla bla bla.

When I think about it a little longer I reconsider the stating of an opinion. The person who hears what we say interprets the message and can make it into bla bla or as something lovely. Or something horrid, something regular, something abnormal whatever.

I would love it if I can listen to others and hear what they say as a contribution. However hard that might be for me. If people state an opinion could it be that they are concerned or passionate about something? That they are touched by it and want to say something about it? Even so called negative opinions can they come from the heart? It all depends how we interpret an opinion. What do you think?


IF: repair

broken heart, originally uploaded by radiant woman.

This weeks theme for IF is repair.

During the last months I found being alive a painful experience. I kept telling myself that it will get better over time.

Now when I think about repair and what it means to me I notice how good I have been lately. That I have left behind the pain of a relationship that ended.

I am a bit proud to say: My heart is back into old mode, with a nice scar that will heal over time.

Glad to be back on IF, it has been some months!

September 4 th of 2007: I found a cross on the street.

September 14th I began walking to the border of France. How was I to know that I would continue walking all the way to Santiago in 10 weeks?

During the trip I posted little. Next to nothing, really.
Some lines about suffering from a tendon ligament on my left foot just after leaving Cahors. Then I got curious about men and feet care, how well did my fellow pilgrims treat their feet? How inspirational¬† to see them pamper their feet…

A couple more posts about how liberated I felt, how I began feeling rather than talking, and started listening. So under ten posts, that was all. Due to the enormous lack of time and computers on the way of course. If I dig a little deeper in retrospect I know that that was not the main reason. I felt vulnerable and overwhelmed during the walk. Too much going on to make sense of it.

I am home for 10 months now and slowly the stories on the camino come back to me. I lost my journal. The last day it disappeared, evaporated. Never seen of heard of it again.

Now it starts to come back to me, the stories form in my head and I want to write it all down. To share the journey, the walk and the people that I met. I will not write fast, just when I feel like it. One piece after the other to cover the road. Step by step.

So bear with me, for a while, to bring my memories to the front and write them down. For me. And remember that I did not walk the camino, the camino walked me. No idea who said that, it does not matter.

I moved into my own apartment last weekend. Strange environment, new noises, another bed, the sun waking me up in the morning and I try to enjoy being in my own place and spending time with myself. It is not a comfortable job after 13 years spending every day with some one else. I feel vulnerable, anxious and sounds make me react straight away. Baby steps, keep breathing, this will pass. I remind myself often to look for what I can do to move into another future.

Suresh of meditation photography made a remark today on the road that is less traveled and that it has made all the difference [quote by Robert Frost]. It feels good to rephrase my road as the road that makes all the difference. Even when I do not see it yet.

P.s. Just noticed another draft from the month of May dangling in cyber space. Waiting to be posted. Title: Is there one road to travel? Sure, I have been thinking about this for a long time now.

This is post 200. In 1 year and 8 months. Not bad.

What kind of blog this is, I do no longer wonder. I just write or I don’t. Ups and downs happened as is usual in life in general. I am glad that I began this blog as a way to express myself.

Next three weeks I am on holiday, so no posting.

After that I will move house, I signed papers today. If the bank is approving everything I am going to be a busy lady in August. Painting, buying stuff and finally moving at the end of August.

In the mean time:


give out love when you feel it inside of you

be brave

and embrace your life as it presents itself.

So will I. Until later


Like a Cat

When the train arrived in Le Puy en Velay I got out. Next to the station I found a map. A man in black was standing next to me. We both pretended to look at the map. The air seemed to move more slowly, my body and soul reacted with joy and also with a little fear. What is this? Never interested in men, not the girl that looks around for handsome men to exchange kisses or more. Standing next to someone and wanting to snuggle up next to him. As a cat would do, sneaking up and touching his legs. I nearly did it.

But I decided not to, I said nothing, did nothing. Although I very much wanted to. Throw me in his arms. To kiss as if a long forgotten lover was calling me. I thought against it, could not say anything, what would he do if I did? The moment passed.

I walked away with the two pilgrims and at the corner of the street they asked me to take their picture. When I did Mr Black walked by. After the photograph and saying goodbyes, he was long, long gone. No where in sight, this man that made my heart skip a beat. Back to business. Finding a bed for the night, tomorrow the pilgrimage would begin. No it already had, but I did not know that.

Detach with Love

Tonight I was thinking about how hard it can sometimes be to let others be who they are. I want to change them because that would suit me better or it hurts me less. To have it my way is very nice and convenient, however in the long run it would not always be best for me and the other person involved.

Liz of Succesful bloggers has a Writing project on her blog today. Only 25 words of advice or wisdom into a blog post.

detach with love
three words hiding a promise

step back from others, let them go
like sneezing during a cold

then life can literally unfold